Expectations and Relationships

Couple recon

Expectations: Who will benefit from our work together?

Of course you want to know what you can “expect” from working together.

I would also add, let’s talk about what you expect from yourself. And expect from me. And what I expect from myself. And expect from you.

Most of my work is Relationship Coaching… or with coaches. But we can set aside the work with coaches for now and concentrate on coaching relationships.

This often means “couples” or partners” in one form or another. But Relationships Coaching includes friends; employee-employer; challenges relating to someone of the other or same sex. It also includes anyone in a relationship with a group or committee. Often it means someone who has to relate by making a speech or presentation, and are terrified of doing so.

So while Relationship Coaching usually means working with “couples,” the work applies to many other kinds of relationships too.

Couples come to me either alone or with their partner.
Most of the people I see are usually in a pretty good place. They  enjoy and support each other, but want more of that, especially during stressful decision making times. They hit walls they want help in dealing with. Barriers that prevent the kind of connection they long of.

Maybe they “at each other” more than they want to be, and know there is a deeper, more caring, joyful way to be together, at home, or work; with friends and family.

So, what can you expect.

You can expect me to never take sides.
You can expect me never to say this partner is right or wrong and “you” have to change.

In almost all relationships, someone is determined to change their partner: “Why is she so stubborn?” or “How come he can’t see my point?” are frequent responses when partners are resolving issues or making decisions and plans.
This need for the other to change goes no where; it blocks everyone from going forward .
It creates negative energy. And stress.

What makes my approach pretty successful, is that I see each person as made up of many different parts.
Notice when you say, “ Part of me loves him or her, but a part of me doesn’t.”

Or, “Part of me wants to take the new job but many parts don’t want me to.”

This is a fascinating reality: all these different parts talking to us and showing up in ways that confuse us.

You can expect me to welcome all those different parts. The part that wants to strangle your boss or lover and the part that loves or admires the same person.

In accepting these multiple parts and not judging any of your feelings and helping you to feel safe in expressing those feeling, all of us an expect a more open and helpful discussion.

You can expect me to listen to you and not tell you what I think you should do.

You can expect me to create with you a plan of action, steps to be taken to help you achieve your goal.
• The goal could be fewer arguments, or how to disagree without being disagreeable.
• A goal could be helping with a major decision such as where to move, or if you should move in together, or what school your kids should go to.
• A goal might be to work more effectively with your colleagues or to help you ask your boss for a raise.

Whatever it is you need to move you from where you are to where you want to go, we will expect each other to come up with a plan of action.
Stick to the plan.
Check in to measure progress.
And to work closely and flexibly.

As Master Coach David Krueger famously said:

“People go to therapy when they are stuck on old stories and can’t figure out how to extract themselves. People come to Professional Coaches when they want to convert problems to possibilities, plan for bigger and more fulfilling future stories.”
I in turn expect you to show up and be present. No looking to see what time it is or who has emailed.
I expect you present. I expect you to be with me. I expect you to do the work we agreed to as steps to you, all of you, to where you want to be.

I don’t expect miracles. neither should you. They happen! But they usually happen after hard work, some good laughs and the joy of moving forward, making progress. We can expect all of this, and maybe miracles too.

That’s it . For more give me a call or send an email. Looking forward rot seeing you